The Woods
Yve Blake
GENRE [BRIANNA]
Ohmygod. Ohmygod. Ohmygod. (Repeating)
[EDNA]
No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. (Repeating)
[JULES]
Holy… Mother of…. JESUS
[ALL]
OH MY ACTUAL GOD!
[BRI & EDNA]
Think! What do we do? (Repeating)
[JULES]
I can’t go to prison, I’m way too young!
Maybe we have to… Maybe we have to um—
(spoken)
Kill him?
[BRI & EDNA] (spoken)
What? NO!
[BRI & EDNA] (sung)
Nonono (Repeating)
[JULES] (sung)
Well it’s him or us
[BRIANNA]
What have we done!
[JULES]
I don’t know! I don’t know! (Repeating)
[EDNA]
Why did you even come?
Why did you just barge in?
I told you to stay outside
[JULES]
We just wanted, I wanted
To tell you that I’m…
I’m so so so so sorry!
[BRIANNA] (spoken)
Um, now’s not really the ti—
[JULES] (sung)
I’m really really
So so so so sorry
I was awful I ruined your life—
[EDNA] (spoken)
No I’m—
(sung)
So so so so sorry!
[BRIANNA] (spoken)
Shh! Guys!
[EDNA] (spoken)
That your parents broke up—
[JULES] (spoken)
No! I’m
(sung)
So so so so sorry
For being a total—
[BRIANNA] (spoken)
GUYS!
[ALL] (sung)
OH MY ACTUAL GOD!
[JULES]
Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. (Repeating)
[EDNA]
Jesus. Jesus Christ. On a bike. (Repeating)
[BRIANNA]
THINK! THINK! We need to THINK! We need to—
WAIT!
[JULES & EDNA] (spoken)
What?
[BRIANNA] (sung)
Does he know, where he is?
[JULES & EDNA] (spoken)
Why?
[BRIANNA] (sung)
Does he know?
[EDNA] (spoken)
No…
[BRIANNA] (spoken)
So!
(sung)
Why don’t we just go and drug him
And lay him down in the woods
[JULES] (spoken)
What?!
What the HELL is “The Woods”?
[BRIANNA]
Ahhhhh…
[JULES] (spoken)
Where the HELL is “The Woods”?
[BRIANNA]
Just a place that’s far?
[JULES] (spoken)
How the hell even would we get him to THE WOODS?
[EDNA] (spoken)
I can drive and I have a car
I mean a van but yeah—
[CAROLINE] (spoken)
Eddy?
[EDNA] (spoken)
Mum?
[CAROLINE] (spoken)
Eddy
[EDNA] (spoken)
Mum
[CAROLINE] (spoken)
You are not driving anywhere
I’ll drive
C’mon girls
Let’s roll him up in the rug
Ohmygod. Ohmygod. Ohmygod. (Repeating)
[EDNA]
No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. (Repeating)
[JULES]
Holy… Mother of…. JESUS
[ALL]
OH MY ACTUAL GOD!
[BRI & EDNA]
Think! What do we do? (Repeating)
[JULES]
I can’t go to prison, I’m way too young!
Maybe we have to… Maybe we have to um—
(spoken)
Kill him?
[BRI & EDNA] (spoken)
What? NO!
[BRI & EDNA] (sung)
Nonono (Repeating)
[JULES] (sung)
Well it’s him or us
[BRIANNA]
What have we done!
[JULES]
I don’t know! I don’t know! (Repeating)
[EDNA]
Why did you even come?
Why did you just barge in?
I told you to stay outside
[JULES]
We just wanted, I wanted
To tell you that I’m…
I’m so so so so sorry!
[BRIANNA] (spoken)
Um, now’s not really the ti—
[JULES] (sung)
I’m really really
So so so so sorry
I was awful I ruined your life—
[EDNA] (spoken)
No I’m—
(sung)
So so so so sorry!
[BRIANNA] (spoken)
Shh! Guys!
[EDNA] (spoken)
That your parents broke up—
[JULES] (spoken)
No! I’m
(sung)
So so so so sorry
For being a total—
[BRIANNA] (spoken)
GUYS!
[ALL] (sung)
OH MY ACTUAL GOD!
[JULES]
Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. (Repeating)
[EDNA]
Jesus. Jesus Christ. On a bike. (Repeating)
[BRIANNA]
THINK! THINK! We need to THINK! We need to—
WAIT!
[JULES & EDNA] (spoken)
What?
[BRIANNA] (sung)
Does he know, where he is?
[JULES & EDNA] (spoken)
Why?
[BRIANNA] (sung)
Does he know?
[EDNA] (spoken)
No…
[BRIANNA] (spoken)
So!
(sung)
Why don’t we just go and drug him
And lay him down in the woods
[JULES] (spoken)
What?!
What the HELL is “The Woods”?
[BRIANNA]
Ahhhhh…
[JULES] (spoken)
Where the HELL is “The Woods”?
[BRIANNA]
Just a place that’s far?
[JULES] (spoken)
How the hell even would we get him to THE WOODS?
[EDNA] (spoken)
I can drive and I have a car
I mean a van but yeah—
[CAROLINE] (spoken)
Eddy?
[EDNA] (spoken)
Mum?
[CAROLINE] (spoken)
Eddy
[EDNA] (spoken)
Mum
[CAROLINE] (spoken)
You are not driving anywhere
I’ll drive
C’mon girls
Let’s roll him up in the rug
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